Teachers Hugging and Touching Students – Is it wrong?
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Hugging is something you tend to do to your friends, family, people you feel warm towards and not something you would expect from a Teacher to his/her students, but sometimes it can’t be helped.
Teacher Hugging
“It can’t be helped?”
What I mean is this. Example. I teach adults and on the last academic day before Christmas – after having snacks, drinks, exchange of gifts, cards etc everyone leaves. Most students give me a Hug before they leave. Some kiss on the cheeks twice or maybe not quite on the cheeks. Some simply wave goodbye.This also happens at the end of an Academic year where students leave for another class. I would feel awkward if I said “don’t hug me” etc. So, in the spirit of festivities or end of term, I’m polite about it and Hug them back, knowing that it means nothing more than a hug. Farewell Hug?
If a student is distraught, has just had some bad news, some teachers give a comforting Hug. Also it could be that a student who started learning with you and hadn’t got a clue how to string a sentence together. Later in the year, they come up to you looking proud and say they have found a very good Job. Sometimes, you just want to Hug them because you know how far they’ve come and you are happy for them. Encouraging Hug or Congratulating Hug?
Having written this, I feel Teachers should still be wise about it. I visit some websites and have read posts about teen girls being attracted to their male Teacher. Maybe if a teacher knew someone had a crush on them, then instead of hugging - just offer a handshake.
Innocent Hugging at work turns to Sexual Assault Claim
GP who Hugged Crying patient recently cleared of sexual Assault in Dec 09.
Patient’s complaint: “She had complained that he had put a comforting arm around her while she was crying.” Full story
Touching
Sometimes, it so happens that Teachers touch students. I’ve had an instance where a student cried in class and it just seemed normal for me to pat/rub her shoulders a little bit, for comfort. We were doing an exercise on Jobs and she just burst into tears. She then told the class that a few days ago, she had gone for a test for a job (some jobs have tests before interview) she said the people were horrible to her and made her feel so bad etc. She was Chinese, with little knowledge of English at the time, so must have found it difficult to communicate and they were inconsiderate.
Now for men, I would talk to them softly, ask if I can get them a drink or if they’d like to go home. etc (I’ve had a case where a man was upset due to bereavement). For some strange reason, my brain cells don’t communicate with my hands, as much as I would like to comfort a male student in distress. I feel bad about it but, The “education system” rings bells in my head. One has to be so careful in education nowadays - even something as simple as taking kids out for swimming lessons and taking innocent pics of them, could be seen in a “negative” way.
Sometimes, professionally - innocent gestures can get people into trouble.
.
Even Politicians Hug.....
So, in summary, I don’t think there is anything wrong in Hugging Students. As long as it’s not a daily occurrence. Teachers should be wise about it (maybe think twice) and if there is a student who likes to Hug them everyday when they come to class, then I think they might have to have a quiet word with the student. It would be interesting to know what others feel about this issue.
Samuel Jackson - Teacher in 187
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Just out of interest...
187 Movie - Samuel Jackson plays the role of a Teacher. In the film, he had a female student with him who needed some help with her studies; He popped out of the room for a few minutes and when he came back, she had undressed. Some of you have probably watched it. If you haven't, guess what happened....?
Rent the DVD and find out – interesting movie.
Ps. I hope I haven't left you with too much suspense and you enjoyed reading the Hub.
Be Warned!! My Pet will come out to Hug you first, when you visit me.
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It is such nasty world that the most innocence hug can get you into deep trouble and that can be soul destroying.
Caution is advisable. But I wouldn't condemn it. I was fond of my 10th grade English teacher, and I'm sure that I was one of her favorites. I used to wonder why she drove on by and didn't offer me a ride when I was walking home. She was a wise woman as well as a good teacher.
About 25 years ago I was working in Spain. While I was there I went to the beach with some people I met. One of the ladies was a teacher and a little girl ran up a jumped in her lap. They played for a few minutes and she ran off. I thought that was something that used to be in America but probably could never be again.
There is just too much chance that a hug will be misinterpreted; if I were a teacher I wouldn not chance it.
I think that hugging is fine as long as there's no "groping" involved :D
You brought up a very interesting and controversial subject, as everyone nowadays (beginning in the sue-crazy days) are always looking to slap another person with a lawsuit or at least get the person fired. When I was a kid in school, many children cried when leaving their teachers for the summer break and so would initiate the hug. Each the teachers would always reassure them that they'd see them again int the fall/autumn.
When I was a camp counselor, I hugged all my boys by the end of the camp session. Seriously, I was their friend, father, and brother all rolled into one for 3 to 6 weeks all hours of the day and night. You can't blame them (or me for that matter) for getting attached.
With that said, I think we should let the children initiate it first if anything. The last thing I'd want to do is scar a child.
Thanks so much for a great hub, Lady_E! Happy New Year and Cheers!
Dohn
I am sure Democrats hug (they do everything else!) but I believe the two guys in the photo are Republicans.
Enjoyed the hub and here's a hug!
Great hub!!!
I seemed to be asking myself while reading it though...
"does the need for such an article reveal the times we live in?"
Reminds me of a passage that reads...
"in the last days, the love of many will grow cold"
Glad to see you address this rather strange question.
~Shalom
** Thanks for your comments Ryan. Playing it safe...
** Hello hello, I agree it's nasty, but that's the world we live in now. Nice to read from you.
** Hi Ralph, that's interesting. She was wise. You made me remember - I used to give one of my students a lift to College on my way. She was heavily pregnant and i'd give her a lift back home too, but if I were a man - who knows what people might have been saying? Nice to read from you again.
** Hi Pete, that's how life should be. I also think especially for the young ones - when their parents are not around, sometimes they need a little hug. Regards.
** Dohn, I really laughed when I read your comments. I like how you treated the boys. People don't realise sometimes that young ones bond with their teacher and a Hug could be Brotherly or Fatherly. Happy new Year to you too. Thx.
** Hi resspenser, how've you been? Nice to read from you and thanks for the Hug.
Ps. thanks for the note - I changed it to Politicians. Maybe my Contact lenses have expired. lol
Hi Quietnessandtrust,
Interesting comments you made. Let's hope it doesn't grow any colder. Nice to read from you.
When I taught high schoolers, I did not hug, and they noticed. They found it strange. On exam day close to my retirement, a whole class ambushed me and did a group hug with me in the center. They knew I'd be uncomfortable; that's why they planned it. I do hug former students (graduates) when i run into them, however.
It depends upon the intention of teachers
Hi Lady_E,
It is a nice hub for every body to learn. Hugging is nothing but the expression of love and affection and not other way. To curve public’s criticisms, it is better to be wise and careful during hugging too. One should not lose oneself. The depth of hugging should follow the age as well as the gender and also the time as well. Thanks.
Nice hub but hugging be avoided when it is fraught with sexual connotation. I genearally pat my male students but never a female one. I must say that hugging or touching shows warmth and sincerty and has good effect but upto a limit.
What an interesting topic. My son is a 27 year old junior high school teacher, and quit handsome if I may say so my self. This is his second year teaching and the first thing I told him was to be very careful around his students, especially the young ladies. I have worked teenage girls who have shared many fantasies regarding their male teachers. Most are just young girls looking for love and unfortunately they will fantasize about a male teacher who is giving them what they feel is positive attention, and in their minds it can become a dangerous component. So I agree we live in a time when things are just out of control. There are teachers who have done things that have blown my mind. And there are students with emotional issues that have gotten many innocent teachers in trouble. Caution!!! And God Bless You Lady_E and every teacher who commits themselves to helping others.
How about we resort to bowing? LOL :-P
Lady E, Great topic, My natural response is to reach out. But the reality is one must be careful today. Your good intentions could be totally misconstrued! There is hardly a week that passes that there is not some inappropiate accusation of touching here in America.
When a child or an adult is stuttering putting your hand on their shoulder usually relaxes them. When someone is distraught or mourning a hug is appropiate. A pat on the back is encouraging! I believe one must be aware and respond with care yet cautiously. No need to be paranoid just extra careful not to put yourself in a possible compromising situation...
Thank you for sharing and bringing attention to an innocent gesture that could possibly be misunderstood. Many varied interesting responses! As always much Love & Blesssings!
Hugging children in a professional setting is probably not a good idea in this day and age. To many are quick to point their fingers and cry child molestation. And even if you are innocent this accusation will stay with you for life. Someone will always remember it. I used to run a kids bowling league and I only hugged a kid when their parent was present and watching. The rest a small quick pat on the back as I was telling them good job or something to that nature. Thanks for a great article.
Good hub Lady. If you want my opinion on the subject for what regards children it's better to keep always an eye open, but it's quite natural for them to express feelings toward their teacher. It's not something reserved only for their parents. As regards adults things should go smooth, but in this world it's better to be detached a little, just to avoid being sued for nothing. Children must be protected at all times and all costs, but we can't live like robots, humans are social animals. Of course there are also cultural differences to take into account: in Italy we always hug and kiss with friends while in other countries a handshake is more than enough. There is a saying here in Italy that many times "The one which sees the flaw has it". Most of the times there is nothing sexual involved.
But as I said better keep an eye always open. :)
Ordinarily, teachers hugging and touching students sholdn't be an issue but this depends on the people and the place involved. Adult male students may read different meanings to it if it comes from female teachers. Adult female students may also read different meanings to it if it comes from male teachers. In all however, it is good to play safe.
I agree with you that there is nothing wrong in hugging students occasionally. In fact it gives lots of moral boost to weak students.I like the pic. of Siberian tiger.
I remember getting hugs from my female teachers when I was in elementary school but I don't think I would have liked if my male teachers would have given me a hug. Nowadays I think all professionals need to be extra vigilant when it comes to touching - it can be easily misconstrued and also the parent of a child can try to turn it into a sexual harrassment case just to get the money.
** Hi J Dove-Miller - I like the way your students ambushed you. lol. I'm sure they probably understood why you didn't. They must have felt at ease with you to do that. Nice to hear from you.
** Thanks for your comments SEO Expert. Best wishes.
** Cheers Roychoudhury, I agree. One must be wise about it. Thanks for stopping.
** Hello LPinky. I'm glad you spoke to him because no one really sits teachers down to talk about this. I was separating 2 teenage girls fighting years ago and then got told by a teacher that I shouldn't have got involved. She said if I was a male teacher, they could say I touched them while separating them. (rolling my eyes back). So should I have just stood there, while they were punching each other and said softly "please stop fighting?".
So it's nice to be warned in advance. Regards.
** Hello again Quietness. Bowing? Well......... :)
** Hello Deborrah
Lots of words of wisdom from you. I also feel some teachers who are parents just react as if it were their child. That Maternal or Paternal instinct. It's just doesn't feel right to have someone crying their eyes out and just stand there saying "take it easy". As you noted, it's a natural response. Thanks for stopping. Best wishes. :)
** Hello Fishtiger - noting your comments "not a good idea in this day and age". The world has changed so much. Thanks for stopping. :)
** Hypnodude, I hear yah. Wise words indeed. Nice to read from you again.
** True Philipo - the opposite sex might see it differently. Na Wa o! Lol.
** Afeezrm - I like your comments and appreciate you stopping by.
** Hi Andromida, It does actually give moral boost to weak students. Interesting Point.
** Rightly written Carie Jean. All professionals have to be vigilant as we can note from the article in the Hub. A Doctor being accused of sexual assault for comforting a patient in tears. Thanks for stopping.
It depends of course. Some kids are negleted &/or abused at home. There are more homeless and latchkey kids today than ever. The spiritually loving teachers demonstrates warmth and tells the kids they are appreciated and loved.
Today, we see petiphilia with " Gougar " teachers and it is so common that we are desensitized. Rumors have ruined many teachers careers from jealousy to kids wannabe fantasy.
America is becoming more liberal as time passes and this too will become accepted by society. Sadly so.
So sad! What has gone wrong with the world? When my Father died I chose to go into school the following day and took my Maths c.s.e. The Headmaster at my school (now deceased), was wonderful. I went to his office to tell him my father had died the night before, and being the lovely warm Welshman that he was, he put his arms around me and gave me a huge hug and asked if I wanted to go home. This very act of kindness at the age of 15 touched me so much that I found myself completely choked up.
I finally managed to say that I was happy to stay at school for the day, and he then made a total effort to go around all of my teachers that day and tell them what had happened so they would make allowances for any lack of concentration I might show in their classes.
A truly wonderful man, a heartwarming experience (in 1985), and something that stayed with me for the rest of my life so far, so much so that when he died I heard about it from my Mother, and although I now lived in Tenerife I went to the effort of emailing a letter to the Guernsey Press newspaper telling them of this wonderful experience and how wonderful and memorable it was.
I love this hub. I do give alot of hugs as a form of greeting. I coach children and am around the elderly also. While hugging conforts, I also feel that there is a time and a place for everything.
Personally I see nothing wrong with a teacher hugging a kid, some of the poor little kids prob dont get one at home and to be honest todays over the top reaction just makes me sick.
Not everyone is a perv, most people care about children but because of todays world I myself wouldnt stop in the street if I saw a little girl crying, not worth the risk, tis a sorry world we live in and the only loser is some poor kid.
Great hub !
I really enjoyed you hub! I found it extremely useful to me and I hope others will as well. I know that as a student i have received hugs from teachers however it did not mean anything more and there was still that level of professionalism and respect. and I know as a future educator I will probly give a hug once or twice just because that is the way I am. I completely agree with you that a hug is just that a hug.
** Hello Mortgagestar - that came to mind when writing the Hub. Some kids receive no warmth at home, some don't even live with their biological parents and a Hug means so much. Thanks for stopping.
** Exactly Misty Horizon, what is the world coming to? Sorry to hear about your Dad, but it gladdens my heart to know of how your teachers looked after you. That's how it should be. (So courageous of you to go to school the next day). You made another interesting point there too about you never forgetting it. There are positive things I still remember about my teachers, that I share with others to this day. Nice to read from you.
** Hello fits4life, interesting comments. Have you noticed with the elderly when they talk to you or say thank you, they tend to even pat you on the back. lol. So, now you the teacher also get a moral boost. We're all human with natural instincts :)
** Aaaaw Tattoo Guy, it's a pity.... and I bet your heart would be so out there to comfort that little girl. Society!! Hope your fine and not snowed in.
** Hello Jenimarie - glad you enjoyed the Hub and had a nice experience with your teachers. I wish you success in your teaching career and hope you enjoy it too. :)
Hugging is good. We all need hugs. Why does physical touch always have to be interpreted as a "bad thing"? Did you know that babies who are never touched will die? I say hug away.
It's a sad world to live in when hugging become controversial. I've heard some talk where people are upset that students are hugging one another in greeting. My friends and I always hug in greeting. It's a human necessity.
** I agree bayareagreatthing. Hugging is good. Interesting comments. Thanks.
** Hi Dolores. It's a nice, warm gesture to friends. So natural. Thanks for stopping.
Hugs are wonderful to share among friends but I think it is professionally dangerous in most circumstances for male teachers to hug teenage girls or vice versa. Call me a prude but I am speaking from personal experience that innocent behaviors can easily be maligned. Having worked with children off and on for about 13 years I have seen parents become more and more sensitive about a non-parent teacher hugging their young kids in conventional church settings. I would stay far clear of doing so unless you are working with another adult in a team setting and have a "witness." To my mind this is simple prudence, and I have to agree with the others who have said it is sad but necessary. MistyHorizon's comment shows a case where an exception is appropriate, but be careful out there, teachers. It is a form of self protection. Knuckles, (totally cheesy in my opinion), high-fives, and hand shakes work, but they don't replace hugs. Sorry for the long soap box. Just touched a bit of a nerve.
It is sad that we are teaching our children not to be affectionate yet expect them to grow up being loving human beings. All due to laws that are so misused, uninformed individuals and paranoid parents who fail to teach their children how to protect themselves.
What a shame, when the person that needs it the most, (a hug), can't get it, because of the world we now live in. Because of the crimes of the few, the needy are denied the simple affections that are natural to humankind. Lady_E you really did this subject justice. Very, very good hub.
Hugs are good, but it became controversial as some misused it, we cant help it isnt it?,as it is very comforting too, very nice hub Lady, Maita
** Thanks Wannabwestern, you raised some important and interesting points. Thanks for the advice.
** Cheers Nancy, food for thought "Paranoid parents". Thanks again for stopping.
** Hi Fastfreta - touching comment. Sometimes, they really do need it. A little bit of affection. Best wishes.
** Thanks Maita. Important point "we can't help it". Sometimes, its' done without thinking - especially if its someone distraught. Nice to see your smile.
Have we all gone mad! Where did the appalling idea come from that adults (particularly men) are sex obsessed, paedophiles unable to touch someone else without it being sexually driven? This is lunacy and deeply offensive to the vast, vast majority of people. Surely, this overly politically correct, intellectually bogus 'philosophy' needs to be dismissed with contempt from our societies?
it's a touchy subject when children are involved. I say a teacher should never initiate hugging but if the child gives a hug how can you say no to that? :)
Hi Nicks. Lol - thanks for comments. :)
Hello Alan, I hear yah Alan, but that's a child. Nice to read from you. :)
i will not come to your home even if you invite me for lunch, especially , becuase i know you have a tiger and i would become a lunch for your pet.
Lol Shinujohn, we can't have that. I will keep it occupied in the garden while you enjoy Lunch. Nice to read from you. :)
Interesting! Especially all the comments. Hmm .. I think best avoided if at all possible. The restrictions aren't just there to protect the teacher, some kids aren't going to be as comfortable being hugged (just like adults) by someone outside of their home unit as others might be. There's a power imbalance and the child is too young to fully assert their rights / feelings on the matter.
Thanks Audrevea, interesting comments - such a sensitive issue. I'm glad you stopped by. Regards.
I wish we didn't even have to discuss whether hugging was right or wrong. Isn't that sad? But, I also understand the way the world is nowadays. So, in the right circumstances ... with the right motives, hugging SHOULD be OK. Thanks for a great hub, nicely written.
Hi Lamme, I wish we didn't have to either. Thanks for your interesting comments. Society has indeed changed. Best wishes.
I believe that it depends on the age of the student and the gender as well. I believe hugging is okay with pre-K through elementary, although I might start to think twice about hugging a male student older than the age of, say, 9 or so. I believe hugging in Jr. High or high school should not be allowed. Adult education I believe would be okay when comforting a member of the same sex, though, as you stated above.
I work in a Kindergarten class and I disagree with you on the fact that you wouldn't really think a teacher would hug a person out of warm and fuzzy feelings toward the students. In teaching young children you can't help but feel a sense of compassion and protectiveness. You see them as "your kids", so when another staff member or another child's parent,or a random stranger on a field trip treat one of your kids rudely you can't help but become defensive. So naturally when a child is upset or just plain needs a hug you want to give them that comfort. Plain and simple.
Thanks for sharing your comments and experience perihelionecho - very interesting. As for the fact that you disagree with me on the fact that I wouldn't really think a teacher would hug a person out of warm and fuzzy feelings.... the first paragraph stated:
"Hugging is something you tend to do to your friends, family, people you feel warm towards and not something you would expect from a Teacher to his/her students, but sometimes it can’t be helped."
The last sentence: sometimes it can't be helped.
So, I am actually on your side and also feel protective over kids or sometimes adults that I am teaching. It's natural, but we should be wise as - you also noted, you would think twice about hugging a 9 year old male.
Best wishes.
Hugs between adults/politicians can't be compared with hugs between adults and kids. This is a very sensitive topic and it's easy to be misunderstood by all kind of people. Anyway i don't agree with the "Teachers Hugging and Touching Students" idea. Teachers should act strictly professional to avoid any kind of suspicion. Anyway interesting hub, thanks.
Hello opismedia,
Thanks for sharing your comments. Lets look at it in a practical way....
This week commencing 24 May - There was a terrible Motor Accident, in which Teenagers of a School were involved. (Cumbria). They were on a School Trip. Two Teenagers died and their death was witnessed by their school friends who travelled with them. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article71
"Act Professional" in that situation... ofcourse I would. When they return to school the first day, I'd check how they are feeling, give comforting Hugs (doesn't have to be all of them, as a teacher you know the ones who are more sensitive than others) and maybe let them share good memories of the teens who died.
I understand we should be wise about it. If they were adults 20s+ in that situation, maybe no hugs, but Teens are merely Kids. I will not stand by rigid and all "professional" when they have just faced a Trauma.
.... and whoever wants to, can sue me for that.
Lovely to read from.
Best Wishes
Elena.
The world has changed a great deal since I was a student in high school. My teachers at that time were tough, in the way of discipline. The lady teachers, would on occasion give a student a hug. I never saw a male teacher give a hug or touch any of the students. Students go through many emotions regarding teachers, making some heroes, having crushes on them, looking at them as parental figures, and the list goes on. Teachers just have to be careful in this day and age.
Thanks mquee,
I particularly like your comment on "Students going through many emotions...". Some see sisterly, brotherly, motherly or even Father figures to care for them, others have crushes. Indeed we need to be careful and wise. I appreciate you stopping by.
Great topic, great hub, great discussion. The student's age, the situation and the teacher's gender have a lot to do with what's acceptable and what can get them in trouble.
As a male who's worked inside and outside the classroom with elementary school students to college students (some no more than a year younger than me), it's been tough. I"m a very loving and caring person in general, and children are so tortured these days by their world and their emotions. You want to be there for them in whatever capacity you can, but you also have to defend your own professional standing. From my experiences, men have to work hard to earn a reputation of being trustworthy, whereas women are generally awarded it without merit.
I've always kept my distance from students simply because, as someone said, all it takes is one instance to sully one's reputation. And men working with kids are under enough of a microscope. So when a student comes to me with open arms, I just pray for the best. You can't reject a spontaneous hug from a student, for fear they will feel rejected and make their moment of need feel worse. But then you also don't want to get the reputation of being "the teacher who hugs his students"...even though it's actually "the teacher whose students hug him."
I prefer a high five or a hand shake, and if a serial hugger (as we call them) is just trying to get some physical contact, I offer one of those two options instead. Also, keeping a physical barrier between you and a student (your desk, their desk, etc) helps deter and keep them from getting into the "hug zone." I make sure I'm eye to eye if possible and find that expressing, facially and with vocal inflection, sympathy and caring works very well in place of physical contact.
Thanks JJ200 - for taking the time to post this long comment. I appreciate you sharing your experience - infact, we both seem to think alike in many ways concerning this issue. It's a pity that men have to work hard to earn a a reputation - that's what society has come to.
From what I have read, I'm sure you enjoyed/enjoy teaching and I hope in future you still get to meet some of your students. It's always lovely when you get to see them again.
Best Wishes.
Very interesting topic, to add to the controversy, I am a practicing muslim and physical contact with males isn't encouraged. Having spent 2 years in a class where in most of the classes, I was as girliest as it could get, I learned how to turn some guys down using humour to diminish the awkwardness brought by the whole situation. By the end of the year I had a lot of virtual bear hugs and understanding guy friends. I also taught kids for a year, and I enjoyed having and getting hugs without facing any problems, at least I was never sued ;-) Rated it up and will be following you so keep the controversial hugs I mean hubs coming =)
Totally understand you noorin. One has to be careful with the opposite sex. I'm so glad you enjoyed your teaching experience. Thanks so much for stopping. :)
Frankly, I must disagree vehemently with those who say hugging is a bad idea. In the vast majority of cases, a hug is simply a hug, and I can say that from experience; when I was in high school, I became good friends with my English teacher/forensics coach. He was a kind man by nature, but also extremely professional when it was required; he hugged many of the students, as he saw and respected them as young adults, as his equals, in a way that no other teacher did. My high school years were by no means easy, and by having that teacher available as a friend, mentor, and confidante to get occasional hugs from when there was no one else there for me changed my life for the better. I don't know what I would have done without him. And throughout the years that I knew him, I never had any "fantasies", as some are claiming; he was just an important friend, nothing more.
Thanks for dropping by, Sherlock. Interesting comments and I'm sure a lot of students can identify with you. "a hug is simply a hug."
I'm glad you had such a wonderful teacher who had a positive impact on you.
Best Wishes.
Sadly enough the Political Correctness in every aspect and field of employment has found corruptness. Professionals have had their wrists slapped and their careers ruined over the folly of either a fellow worker or a student reporting them for something as basic as a warm pleasant, appealing, fuzzy and just appreciation HUG.
One would think that a reaching out in this way would not cause such mind numbing explosion of rebuttal from colleagues. So I totally agree with jj200, if I was in the teaching profession, I would keep my distance from students.
There are too many who would like to turn on their teacher and have him/her nailed to the cross and be ejected from their positions in the academy of higher learning and teaching. Very sad, but cautionary measures have to be regarded.
As for me in my daily life with family I try to hug as much as possible, after all life is to darn short not to extend a hug of friendship and love to your fellow man. I respect and adore those who can HUG without caring and be regarded for it.
Those videos on Utube about people with signs in the streets of the big cities. Have you had your Hug today are such a welcome to my tired eyes.
Thanks for the share, this is a great Hub, I hugged you oops, please dont' report me:o))))
Wow Saddlerider - very deep comments and they are so true.
"Sadly enough the Political Correctness in every aspect and field of employment has found corruptness. Professionals have had their wrists slapped and their careers ruined".
We've had kind people pray for hospital patients and the patients complained. Doctor comforting a lady who was crying - she complained he molested her, but apologised later. It's so sad. I guess we need to exercise wisdom and hope that the people who work closely with us can testify to our characters.
Glad you are a "huggy" person. lol (not sure that word is in the dictionary)
Thanks for stopping. :)
Wow, such a taboo subject. I am a school counselor at a high school. We have to be careful because we are watched like hawks. I personally tell my students I will upon them graduating, I will give them as many hugs as they want. In certain situations when a student has gone though a tragedy or is hurting, I wouldn't think twice about giving them one. If a student has passed their hardest state mandated graduation test that they had been struggling with for a long while, I would definitely give them a congratulatory hug.
The major problem is that many students are not receiving that affection at home because the parents are always fighting (attention is taken off of the student) or their parents are divorced or never married. This also puts a strain on the family unit (kids are usually happy to have both mom and dad at home).
Good to know mosaicman - it shows you have a heart even though you are a teacher. As you pointed out, some learners don't have any affection at home and it's nice to feel loved and accepted.
Also, we teachers who have spent about a year with a student come to accept them like our own little sister or brother or child - hence the hugs.
Thanks so much for visiting.
At my school we hug on the last day of school teachers hug students, students hug teachers, teachers hug teachers, and students hug students. Hugging isn't really seen as an issue at my school everyone hugs someone almost everyday.
Thanks AC and that's the way it should be. It's the same with me. Learners always come up to hug me on the last day of Academic year and they bring lots of gifts too. It would be heartless not to hug them.
People should realise that when a learner spends nearly a year with a Teacher, there will always be a bond. (obviously not intimate) but, one that acknowledges that a teacher has played an important role in their life and the same goes for Teachers too. Some learners touch you in how they develop - the growth - the challenges they overcame etc.
Thanks so much for stopping. If you have a Blog let me know. I'd love to visit.
Hugging has got to be one of the greatest, bestest things any one can indulge in! Warm and delicious hub just loved it and I am sending you lots and lots of hugs!
Hi Wavegirl - it is. Everyone needs a hug now and then. Thanks for stopping and thanks for the Hugs. :)
Best Wishes
Elena xx
I'm in my last year of school, and for most of the last years I've had only male teachers - the one female subject teacher I had in the last 3 years left. Physical contact between teachers and student just seems nonexistent, and I don't remember any of the graduating class hugging teachers either. On the other hand, I hug somebody in class almost everyday, I probably count as a serial hugger. :)
There's such an atmosphere of suspicion nowadays, one of our teachers explained the school's new 'open door' policy to us recently and it's just sad how little trust there is.
This is a great hub, and please give that tiger a hug from me. :)
Thanks Melania
Your comments made me smile. I wouldn't class you as a serial Hugger - just a lady with a big heart.
Ps. errh, can't give the Tiger a Hug, but I will tell it, you sent a hug. lol
Many Thanks.
So sad that we live in a world where hugs draw suspicion. I for one am all for hugs, as many as possible :) While caution may be necessary, I think the drawbacks from withholding hugs outweigh the benefits of it; like others said, some kids can't get hugs at home and have to get them from somewhere. I always appreciate a hug from my teachers regardless of gender because in that way they show me they care and that I'm worthwhile. As long as you don't run into any hug-hating nutjobs, I'd say go for it, make the world a better place and hug away :)
I think they should be allowed to hug. It's sad that we've become such a sterile and careful society.
** Puppylove - thanks for sharing that.
** I agree tritrain - it is sad. Thanks for stopping.
I worked in a treatment center for sexual offenders.Hugs were off limits as it was considered SEXUALIZING.I believe it is not much different for a normal,teenage boy,esp. if they have a hot teacher. It should be a song. :)
Hi CH - that is totally understanding, as it's a center for sexual offenders. Glad you stopped by.
Ithink it is pathetic, that a hug from a teacher can be taken negativly! As long as u trust the teacher u r hugging and they trust u then wat the hell?! I hug teachers at my school, everday infact!
Thanks for sharing that, Awesome.
Its nice to know you are comfortable with your teachers.
I suffer from depression and my teacher & form tutor give me hugs when I'm struggling. It's comforting for me when I feel low and helps me get through tough days at college... We are both female so I guess that's easier but it shows they care and I wouldn't think twice about having a hug from them. Nothing like a good hug to cheer you up!
Hi Jen
I'm glad you have a Teacher with a heart. (You know what I mean).
Take Care. :)
My school is uptight on a lot of things, but they don't seem too uptight about physical contact. I'm 18, female and just left school. A lot of my female teachers have made physical contact with me and it was fine. My music teacher would hug me or pat my back if I was upset and asked me for a hug when I was leaving. And I visited my old form teacher to give her a card before I left and she gave me a hug too. My male art teacher was quite fond of playfully hitting people on the arm for making silly suggestions, which I found odd, but not some kind of criminal act. I think a little bit of contact shows that they care and helps create a better learning environment as long as it's kept appropriate. :)
Hi AZ
Thanks for sharing that. Your teachers seem just like me. It's only natural that we develop a bond with our learners when we have them in our class for a whole academic year but we need to exercise wisdom with the opposite sex. Indeed it creates a better, relaxed learning environment.
Wishing you success in Life. :)
I just retired from teaching a couple of weeks ago, teaching mainly 7th/8th grades in the U.S. I am a bit old fashioned and didn't do the "huggy thing" at all until the last day of school to say goodbye to the students and only if they initiated it and then it was a kind of sideways hug and in the hallway or classroom where another adult was present.
I saw too much when I came to teaching and how a teacher's career could be ruined by something as innocent as a hug. So I was super vigilant, especially as an older male teacher - you have to be. With today's world being what it has become. I did use the shoulder touch to console or direct students at times, but that was the limit of my physical contact with students.
If you have adult students that is a different set of circumstances and I am sure that I would be more willing to be hugged. One thing to remember is that teachers are in the position of authority and that initiating the hug is different than the student initiating the hug. I know when I was a student and a teacher hugged me (male or female) I always felt uncomfortable and a couple of times told them I don't like being hugged.
Physical touching is an important part of human development and today's societies have placed significant restrictions on Student/Teacher hugging due to the actions of a few that highlighted in the tabloids or newspapers.
I guess it comes down to the teacher's comfort levels and knowing their students comfort levels before hugging. It has be an individual thing, not something that is good for everyone.
Harold
Any touching that is NOT mutually agreed upon by both parties is inappropriate. Period.
Hello Harold
Thanks for sharing your experience. I totally understand you. It depends on so many things. Age, male or female, comfort levels etc. One needs to be vigilant.
I hope you have a Happy Retirement.
Best Wishes
Elena
I want Ms.Wu-Mak's hugs!
Thanks for dropping by Becki.
Hope you enjoyed the school summer hols. :)
Kinetic Tactile Stimulation (Touching,caressing,hugging) is encouraged in science of such nature as it is a reminder of the mother and child bond. But when it comes to our skewed society,I would say, only as and when is absolutely necessary. You could get in trouble for looking at someone these days. Stay safe. Great topic Lady_E
Hi Alladream, you have come to understand our society. (shaking my head) I totally agree with your comments.
Some kids don't even get hugs at home but as you noted hugging should be only when necessary. Cheers. :)
wow. i think a teacher hugging a student and vice versa is okay but they have to have the right intentions whether it's to comfort the student or they're having some emotional issues or something like that. Hugs are in order especially if the student likes the teacher and he/she tells the student that it will not happen between them never because of some reasons. Hugs are a way to give the student piece of mind throughout the situation.
Hi Semipunkgirl
I totally agree with you. A hug sometimes is comforting and reassuring.
Glad you stopped by. Thanks. :)
As a high school student, I wish that my school and individual teachers would just be frank and clear about their policies and feelings regarding teacher/student contact right off the bat. Maybe that would be an awkward way to start the year but I know that today's teens are for the most part pretty huggy, I mean we're always all over each other :) and I think a lot of us would like to know if it would be ok to give teachers hugs. I am an extremely huggy person and if I could better gauge how my teachers feel about it then there are some whom I would definitely want to give a hug.
The issue is, I don't know the policy and don't want to inadvertently get them in trouble, and I don't know what they're comfortable with and don't want to inadvertently make them feel awkward. So I end up just being sort of stuck. The greatest thing was when my 6th grade homeroom teacher said, "As your homeroom teacher I'm basically here to help you out. If you have homework questions, or want to talk about something...or want a hug...you know, seriously, whatever." Like that is just such a relief because then everyone knows exactly where you stand. Sorry for the absurdly long comment, this is something that really drives me nuts. :) --PAZ--
Hi Beth - thanks for sharing your thoughts about it. I read in a paper recently that a school had a code where there were no hugs or "hi 5s".
I don't know if you are in UK or US but the Colleges I have worked for here don't have a code for that stuff, except that we should behave in a professional way, but I have to admit Hugging comes naturally....only at this day an age, you have to think twice before you do.
I don't hug male students, but I do give "half hug" to female ones, particularly if I know they are finding things challenging at home and they are stressed. (Hugging with one arm patting their back giving reassurance).
However, at End of Terms nearly all learners come up to me and hug me. Male and female, because they have been with me all year and they are moving to another class. I would feel awful telling them not to Hug me.
So, if you don't know the policy, ask any of your teachers. Hope you enjoy school and most of all, I hope you have teachers who really care for you. It will help you get the most out of your studies and enjoy it too.
Best Wishes.
Sorry for my long comment. :)
Hugging is ok, but, I don't know about the kisses.
Hi Luck123
Yes... that's a good point. Cheers.
As an alumnus, I visited my teacher and asked him for a hug. He said no. Hahaha but he is an enigmatic one, so I guess I understand.
Hi Acos
I'm sure you teacher likes you as his student but he was just playing safe. Once an allegation has been made against a Teacher, even if it's wrong - their profession is tainted.
Take Care. Good luck with studies.
Ive always been a very huggy person and id always hug my elementary school teachers while in school. But now i feel like i do it more so on the last day if school or after ive had them like the year before or my teachers this year if i give them something for christmas etc. But i think it is sad that hugging is so cintroversial today. Hugging is sonething that is a natural form of showing some one you care. It dosnthave to be sexual in nature. I have had a crush on a teacher but i knew not to hug him because i knew it would be worse in the end for me. But i think as long as your okay with it on both ends and its all in good nature.
Hi Kat
Thanks for sharing your experience. I agree hugging is a natural thing and it's sad it's controversial. I'm glad you stopped by to comment.
Take care. :)
I'm a Sophomore in High school, and I know that I would be terribly upset if I never received a hug from any of of my teachers. Some people say that a teacher becoming a mother figure isn't a good idea. I have to disagree. My parents fight a lot at home (and elsewhere also), so I tend to become attached to the people I see almost every day... My teachers. I'm not a student that complains about her teachers. "Mrs. What's Her Face did this," or "Mr. What's His Name did that," or "Man I hate..." I tend to stick up for any teacher I know when I hear them being dissed. I can't stand by and be quiet, even though I am a quiet person by nature.
Anybody who tried to tell me that I couldn't hug any of my teachers would soon discover that a glare can indeed make you want to die. :) But seriously, I would be pretty upset. Sometimes, a person just needs that little bit of encouragement or comfort.
I can't find anything wrong with a teacher hugging a student of any age. I usually only hug the females, but not because I don't trust the males. Simply because women tend to be more caring and loving than men.
It's really sad what this world is becoming. You can hardly breath without some telling you to be careful, or someone else trying to sue you. I almost wish I lived back when the world wasn't so suspicious and sue happy.
Well, this was a lot longer than I expected, but I think I got my point across. :) Thanks for the hub!
Hello anonymous teen
Thanks. It was interesting to read your comment. I also feel some students need a hug for encouragement or support. A lot are going through personal challenges which can affect their learning but a little smile, a little hug goes along way. It shows you care, you believe in them and they know you are there to genuinely support them. Such people wouldn't just drop out of class.
Having said that we need to be wise. I as a female don't hug male learners. If they are going through hard times, I pat them on the back gently and they understand the gesture.
I wish you success in your studies.
Regards, Elena.
I think it really depends on the people as well. I am a female student, and I have received multiple hugs from multiple teachers, male and female alike. I've given and received hugs with and without other 'witness' around. I have seen the same occur for male teenage students, and female teachers. No one seems to have an issue with it! I can understand what can happen, but as a student, you tend to get a good idea at whose alright with physical contact, and who you should not give as intimate physical contact with. Sometimes the teachers are the ones giving pats on the back/nudges etc. Sometimes they offer handshakes; and then there's some who have asked e for hugs when they were proud of me etc. So I guess it really depends on the school, and the student/teacher interactions and relationships! Hope that made sense!
Hello Prin,
yes, that does make sense and I am glad you have that natural and warm experience. A caring and warm atmosphere enhances learning. Thanks for sharing.
Enjoy the weekend.
hug word is not bad and if u hug ur favourate teacher: do but not with wrong view......
I'm a senior in high school and I must say, I would be so devastated if there was ever some policy imposed that didn't allow hugging. There are some teachers at my school, not necessarily my teachers but teachers nonetheless that I'm really close with, and they just give the best hugs. I've dealt with a lot of tough stuff this year and they've supported me 100% with words, advice, and hugs. There was a time last week when I was one of the teachers' office just bawling my eyes out because I was having a really bad day (I'm trying to recover from an eating disorder) and that teacher just held me until I stopped crying, and I really needed that. I know she's always there whenever I'm having a tough day and just need a hug or if I need to talk and it honestly means the world to me.
@vipul ~ Thanks for stopping.
@Robyn
Thanks for sharing your experience and that's how it should be. I always have a bond with my learners. It's hard not to care for learners that are with you for one academic year, sometimes longer.
I am so glad you have a lovely teacher and as you noted earlier, I hope there is no policy that bans hugging.
Wishing you success. :)
Not Wrong At All!! Normal Human touch is very important to children especially young children in their emotional and mental development. It is abusive in my mind for a teacher to deny a student a hug who needs and or wants one. Since when is the innocent hug from a child in this country considered something sexual?? How sick is that!! Even a group of typical 8th grade boys in all their perverted humor are not as sick as that!! And people as full grown supposedly mature adults actually write policies based on this perverted thinking!! These policies are not protecting kids, only hurting them!! Giving child a hug is not sexual abuse People!! It's a Normal Thing!!! Americans are sick in the head these days!!
@Bob
Thanks so much for stopping by to share your views. I like your take on it and totally agree.
Best Wishes.
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@quadajiah Brown
Thanks for sharing your comment, quadajiah.
I agree there is a time and a place. I recently looked into this subject because a yard supervisor at my daughters school(female) was approaching the first-fifth grade students daily and asking them "where's my hug ladies." I didn't have a problem with this at first, but then I thought about how inappropriate it was for a payed authority figure to use her status to seek hugs from these kids. Had she merely been a parent would these girls feel the need to hug her. Another point I wanted to touch on is that the Spanish speaking children and "bad" mannered girls were not being ask for hugs, from said supervisor. I have since asked my daughter to refrain from hugging any yard supervisor unless I'm present and as long as its her(my daughter) that offers the hug. I also find it a wrong double standard that it be acceptable for a woman to hug a child that's not hers and wrong for a man. Men are humans too, are they not.
@strongopinions
Hi - Ofcourse men are human. It's just that for some strange reason, people are more suspicious of men. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Best Wishes.
I believe hugging is totally harmless most of the time. I grew up without a father since i was 8. He died of drug overdose. In hs i became close to my social studies teacher he became like a father figure to me. Whenever i had my awful days he gave me words of encouragement, and hugged my head when i was crying telling me itll be okay. He was always telling me to follow my dreams and no matter how deeply depressed i got, he never stopped beleiving i could make it. In the end of school, i was the last in his class and he asked for a hug before i left, igladly went over and gave him a hug. Completely innocent and we both knew he was just trying to be a good fatherly influence and to show he cared. I was aware he could never replace my father but him being there in my darkest times were greatly encouraging and because he believed in me i am off to business school to make him proud! :)
Aaawh Clarissa - that is my kind of teacher. You were so lucky to have that. Not many teachers do that these days and those that want to, are held back by what people may think.
I am so happy he was there for you. It would have had a significant, positive influence on your studies and your emotional wellbeing. Thanks for sharing your experience and I'm grateful to your teacher.
Best Wishes.
ryankett Level 4 Commenter 2 years ago
Hugging adults, nothing wrong with that. If I taught children I would 100% avoid hugging any of them, ever. Period. Happy new year!